isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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