just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
is it fun? or sober?
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
