ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Randomize
