at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
