I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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