farters have to be the big spoon...
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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