Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
