Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
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