I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Randomize
