At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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