At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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