I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize