This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
