There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
