you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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