Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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