i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
3 2 1 whiskey
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
