Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
