she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
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