These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
