Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
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