The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I intend to get homeless drunk
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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