My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Randomize
