omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
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