I molested 6 butterflies tonight
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
