I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
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