I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
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