The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Randomize
