is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
