Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Randomize
