He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
