So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize