Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
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