You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
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