Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
