Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
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