therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize
