Me. At least after what I've been through.
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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