My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
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