i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
