You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Randomize
