I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Randomize
