I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
