I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
