Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
