I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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