are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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