my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
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