wat bout pragnant strippers??
I want to have your abortion
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
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