I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize