Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
