You work out of a Hotel?
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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