Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I intend to get homeless drunk
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
