oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
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