About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Randomize
