I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Randomize
