Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
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