The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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