hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
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