I'm going to jail i love you
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
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