it's too hot outside to masturbate.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
