somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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