They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Randomize