Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
